The business

So one of the things on the list is start a business...

I have an idea and I think I can do it- in fact I am pretty sure I'd be great at it and my mom thinks so too. So much so that she is willing to give me the start-up capital out of her pension!

I feel a little freaked about this. Reason 1 is that it means I can actually do this and it makes all the other things I have wanted to accomplish seem that much more available. And reason 2 is it's my mom's pension and what if it doesn't work out? I am confident that it'll work but you cant help having a small concern when the consequences are so big.

It makes me laugh a little though, because yesterday I was telling my brother's boyfriend that if he wanted to make the most of his life he had to take big risks to reap big rewards and here I am faced with a very similar dilemma and it makes me grind my teeth a little.

My parents are coming to visit my brother and I for the first time since he moved here. I feel half excited to see them and half not. I miss them and love them very much but, unfortunately, what comes with them is a whole lot of angst and well, if I am being diplomatic, "difficulty".

I will keep you posted on how the visit goes and perhaps when I have become a little more comfortable about blogging I might go into the "difficulty" part. Some of it is pretty amusing, my boyfriend says my family reminds him of Spud's family from the book series-Spud by John van de Ruit. Absolutely excellent series by on of my favourite SA Authors. A must read:-)

Another silly but exciting thing is a friend from the office gave me her belly dancing skirt because she didn't like it. Its beautiful and red. First class on Thursday.

While making the list was a piece of cake actually completing the tasks seem a lot more daunting but I refuse to give up.

One thing I do need to know is, this beauty regime thing do other woman really do this every day???? I have like four creams to put on before I even touch the sunscreen and my mascara. I don't think even the strongest UV beams would get at my skin.

Finally for the record I am still recovering from the surgery and I am concerned I may be becoming addicted to the pain medication, if this carries on much longer I will become dependant and this blog will be about my 13 months to sobriety!

In closing I leave you with this thought, youth is wasted on the young and money is wasted on the aged!!!!!!

I struggle with patience

I realise that I struggle with patience, which is a bit of a new discovery for me because I always thought I was very patient but I feel very angry today that its Saturday and I may well have to spend the day in bed because my head is throbbing. Yes I realise I had surgery just two weeks ago and that it takes a while for your sinuses to repair but seriously I have had a crap time of it all week could it not let up a little on Saturday?

I want to do whole lot of things today but every time I lift my head from my pillow it feels like someone has put the front of my head and nose in a vice grip and is squeezing so hard my brain will explode any second.

I feel irritated mostly because I had plans for this weekend, specifically regarding my list and it seems that I will have to put most of them off until tomorrow. You see the problem with sinus pain is, it is debilitating enough for you to not be able to carry out normal activities but not bad enough to render you unconscious.

Sucks, Sucks, Sucks!!!!!!!!!

I hate it here!

Lucky Me

So I wasn't retrenched today!

Weird statement I know, so I'll rewind a little. The department I work in is at best a lame duck and as of today is officially a dead duck My client slipped into my bosses office this afternoon to explain that the company has had cut backs and the "Duck" department has been culled with immediate effect.

My line manager and I were called in to be told that luckily two people had resigned this month in other departments so we are being moved BUT and here's the big but, if they hadn't resigned we would be retrenched.

I know somewhere I breathed a sigh of relief. Probably the rationale, I have to pay the bills me said "Thank God" but the creative me was disappointed because the creative me has been suffocating in the duck pond for way too long and I probably would be pushed even harder in the new directions I am tentatively pointed in if I was retrenched.

I do get to try my hand at a new position but I hate the place I work. I know hate is a strong word but the crap I have endured over the last couple of months just makes me not trust anyone there. I even feel nervous putting these words down in case I am being spied on.(okay having read the preview of this it sounds a little paranoid and very whiny but I'm leaving it in because its true)

It sucks! really it sucks a lot to hate your job. You spend so much of your time there it seems like its only fair that you should at least like what you do. The sad thing is a lot of people don't like what they do and that makes me feel really sad for them.

I would also caution that there is no point doing a job you hate your whole life because you only have one life and chances are if you don't like doing something you're probably not going to be all that good at it anyway.

So here's the thing, I didn't get retrenched today and I am glad I am not unemployed but it also made me realize that I don't care enough about this job and before I become completely despondent I neeeeeeeeeeeeeed to get a new job.

Not inspired

Fact:

1. My brother needs my laptop to do a varsity assignment

Consequence:

My post will be short and very uninspired.

I spent most of my day wondering what happens to Jack on 30 Rock after Banks convinces the board to let Guise's daughter head up the company.

What this means is I had a very boring day at work and spent more time surfing the net than actually working and that is because I had nothing to do. Dull!

I did however get the mail address of a very important editor to a very cool magazine. How I will use this email adress will be revealed shortly but not tonight...

Why?

Because its really exciting and I don't have the time to get into it and I really really want to get into it.

anyway Laters!

The soundtrack of your life

I some times wonder what my life's soundtrack would be like? While I was driving home this afternoon my radio station was playing You got it by Roy Orbison and I felt like that song just has to be on my soundtrack. Right then at that moment I felt like I could have anything in the world I wanted and it made me even more determined to make sure I pursued all the things on that list. BUT then I got home and I felt tired from work and my head started to hurt and then I didn't feel so awesome any more.

I suppose the point is that music really can change your mood and life can, I mean real life, can sometimes really bring you down. I was going to crawl into bed now and not write anything but I felt like I was already losing the momentum.

So I'm writing now and I am going to give myself a break, I had surgery last week Friday, so yes I am going to feel tired my first day back at work and yes my head is going to hurt and no that doesn't mean that I am losing momentum. I'm just human.

I'm not kidding myself, some of the things I plan on doing over the next couple of months are going to take a fair amount of bravery and a whole lot of discipline, which, by nature I seriously seem to lack but my hope is I'll get better and braver as I go along and that my life's soundtrack will have whole lot of You got it and not too much running scared

so much to see

I spent my morning paying my accounts and window shopping- well mostly window shopping. I did begin on one of my bucket list items and that is put together a proper beauty regime. I have opted for Clinque, I think its because I like the cleanliness of the brand - it seems almost scientific. I have a full face wash and care range of products and I bought a night cream. so that's the start of that. The next thing on the agenda for that particular item is to set up an appointment for my manicure and pedicure. Here I am pretty much going in the dark again. I don't have a place I usually go to and I am not sure what a good manicure is as opposed to a bad one. I suppose I will live and learn.

After my beauty purchases I went down to Exclusive books. I could spend hours in a book shop. It always feels so rich and I get excited by just how much their is to learn out there. I checked out the manuals for learning French and I think I might buy the Oxford set, it seems the most comprehensive- but gain if anyone has done this already maybe you have a suggestion?

I looked at the fashion section in the book shop as well and I already have a list of books I am going to need for the Fashion design/sewing portion of the list.

I feel like a kid in a candy store, it feels like there are suddenly a million opportunities available to me that I have never seen before.

I realize however I am going to have to prioritize my to do list for two reasons. 1. I am not a Rockefeller which, means I just don't have the budget to get everything all at once.
2. I think if I tried to do this all at the same time I might become totally overwhelmed.

Yesterday I applied to two jobs and I am applying to two more today so hold thumbs. Better pay will certainly help with reason number one.

I am really excited about this new endeavor! WOW!

Just over 13 months to 30

It’s incredible how it sneaks up on you. I never imagined that my 30th birthday would make me feel so weary but just over a month before my 29th I realise that I am nowhere near where I want to be and even worse I am letting life happen to me. So I have made myself a condensed version of the bucket list. I am determined to get all these things done by the time my 30th birthday rolls around.
1. Write a novel: I have applied to College Writers SA and have been accepted for a 12 month course. All I have to do is pay the 1st fifty percent and I can get started. That means come the 30th of this month this portion of my list begins.
2. Become fluent in French: I have always wanted to speak French and I did pretty well at it at school. I have not quite thought how I am going to do this as yet but will keep you posted.
3. Start a design and sewing course: when I was younger I used to make clothes for Barbie and well they were pretty cool and I need a hobby. Why not this?
4. Get a job I love - this will coincide with either no.1 or no.5 depending how the year works out but in the meantime I really need to leave the suffocate sh*thole of a place I work at and do something that inspires me rather than something that tires me.
5. Start my own business: I’m keeping mum on this one for a while but watch this space.
6. Lose the 15kg - this tyre needs to go!
7. Commit to a beauty regime: My mother told me I needed to get this sorted by the time I was 25 or I would look 30 before I knew it, Boy was she right- well it’s never too late to start and as a bonus to this goal I am also going to go to a spa at least twice a year for a full day and I am going to commit to a manicure and pedicure once a month.
8. Go on Holiday to Greece: okay so all this would be quite a tall order never mind organising an overseas holiday but...I really want to go there and I think it sounds like a super 30th B-day present to me so my vow is to have the plans laid out and the tickets booked by my 30th
9.Read 60 books in the next year- the catch is they can’t all be novels (any suggestions are welcome) I am starting slowly with Tami Hoag Still Waters
10. I have to go to at least 50 belly dancing classes.

My unofficial number 11 is to learn to relax because I don’t think I really know how and until I learn that I will not learn how to deal with stress.

What brought this on aside from the very scary realisation that 30 is just around the corner? I guess I am just tired of feeling dissatisfied with... well everything.