Opportunities

Bear (my Boyfriend) may have landed himself the best opportunity and I am excited for him. I feel like the doors are opening for the both of us. We spent about an hour in the bath tonight(our time to catch up on each others news) talking about how to make both our careers more successful. I have not seen him motivated like this for months and I feel great because he has great things on the horizon.

The truth is he has been battling to get his own business started for over a year now and I was getting really worried that he had run out of steam and now the new opportunity is flexible on his time so he can work on both.

We do not have a perfect relationship by a long shot but I love him very much and I want him to be happy and let me tell you a man without a purpose will never be a happy man. Its amazing really, I don't think I would feel bewildered and unimportant if I did not have work, I would be happy adding value by keeping the home clean and nice to live in but that may be because I am a woman and I am defined by so many more things than just my career. Just is the wrong word, I think what I meant to say was 1st. I'm not sure.

As a woman you can have so many titles, mother, sister, lover, Mrs, Miss, Mzz, Doctor, Your Honour and not one of the titles will ever be the sole defining element of who you are, but I have learnt from watching my father be unemployed for years and with Bear struggling with his company a man cannot fulfill any of his other designations adequately if he has not achieved something in his career.

Perhaps that's a generalisation or perhaps its just the men who feature in my life but the fact remains we all define ourselves by the things we do, the families we belong to, the friends we have etc. and while women can feel whole without a career (many girls I know just have jobs) it seems men cannot.

I understand it as men are taught to be providers and I like that, I like the idea that the guy I am with wants to provide for himself and for me. I am ambitious but as I grow older and have children I don't want to have to work. So I believe in supporting a man in reaching his career goals because I think you will end up with a happier husband/partner and a better relationship.

I know feminists around the world would gouge my eyes out with the previous statement but they would be making a mistake. I don't think my only role is supporting my man but it is an important role, just as your partner should support you in the way you need to be supported (its different for everybody I think).

At the end of the day what i am trying to say is Bear's happiness gets me one step closer to Greece:-)

Last day of the World Cup

Okay so I'll say this first. I am glad to see the back of the World Cup. I have worked everyday for the last 30 days I dont really have a sense of humour, in fact I have become very angry. I cant really explain it I just feel angry inside and I think its part jealousy because I feel like I missed the joy of the World Cup because of a job that I dont really love and I also watched everyone really love it ( the world cup not my job:-)) but I think its mostly that I am tired and I need some time to myself and once all of this is over I will feel a lot better.

But on the flip side I am really sad that its all almost over. I feel really proud of being South African and I am glad I am one of those who always believed the World Cup would be a success. I am irrationally full of hatred for Uruguay, a soccer team full of, in my opinion, bad sports and cheaters, except Forlan,who I wish belonged to another team because his performance in this tournament has been exceptional. I begrudgingly say that post their defeat last night against Germany.

The thing about this World Cup is that I finally got it, I finally understood why people and players cry when their teams are knocked out of the tournament. When South Africa was knocked out in the first round, I cried bitterly and was depressed for days because I felt like a bad refereeing decision had destroyed the hopes of a nation. I remember actually screaming with joy when we scored the second goal against France and when the third goal was disallowed due to being offside I stood there with my hand over my mouth in disbelief because for a moment we had beaten the odds. At the end of the France match I felt like our boys had done well but it still ached. Then it was onto the final African team, Ghana! I cried when The evil Suarez hand-balled a sure Ghana winning goal out of the nets, but was glad they got a penalty and then I was crushed when Gyan overshot the penalty and then I was livid when I saw Suarez fist pump the air because Gyan missed. and so it goes for each match that I have felt some level of investment in. The team you support takes you on an emotional roller coaster that nine times out of ten is go to end in disappointment.

I even have a tear in my eye right now remembering all these amazing moments.

When speaking to my boyfriend about how unfair it is when a ref makes a mistake, or players dive and the free kick is given, or when little bastards who cheat celebrate another teams defeat while walking off the field, he has just laughed. He said to me "I've been supporting Newcastle for years I am used to the disappointment" followed by an explanation that sometimes the decision goes in your favour and sometimes it doesn't.

so I leave you with this sentiment, I have hated the World Cup, I have loved the World Cup, I never knew that a game could cause me so much anguish and all's fair in love, war and football.

Hungover

I have so much to write and catch up on. Been working my ass of during the World Cup and I really want to share what the whole experience has been like but today I am Hungover!

Its a pretty bad one because it is also leveraging itself off of a month of too little sleep and not eating right etc. So I am in bed feeling a little sorry for myself. Hoping with everything in my heart that someone will start cooking a delicious lunch and serve it to me in bed.

The worst thing about a hangover is its your own fault! I have been doing a little bit of overindulging with regards to smoking, drinking , eating this month but I am pleased to say that after last night I am back to a more tee totaling lifestyle from Monday. The cigarettes are going out the window today. I actually completely stopped before the World Cup but the immense stress I have dealt with in the last month and also having to curb my appetite, as I have eaten very rarely over the last month, has meant that old bad habit crept back into my repertoire.

Seriously though hangovers what a total waste of time, they render me useless to the human race and quite frankly I don't even feel human today.

I really am just rambling but I have missed writing so much I thought I would just bang out a few lines.

next post to be filled with all the World Cup action!!!!!