1 day to go

So I turn 30 tomorrow! I wish that I felt more excited but really I feel a little bit lonely. Its crazy how two nights in the middle of winter, alone, can make you feel so isolated.

Everything just keeps changing

So as of Tuesday afternoon I am back in the corporate world. I was head hunted! Feels fantastic to say that. After the truly terrible experience I had at my previous job, my working self-esteem was at an all time low but having been out of that environment for the last two months I have gained some much needed perspective.

First of all - global agencies will manipulate you into believing that you should be grateful for the job they have given you. Don't fall for it. Any company is only as good as the individuals that work for it. I did fall for it and I worked myself into an anxious mess. Now that I can objectively review the situation I know I never stood up for myself so its hardly surprising that when I gave a pinky finger they took the entire arm and then charged me for their time.

So after this experience and considering the fact that I have been working hard on my own business why did I decide to return to the corporate world. To put in frankly they gave me an offer I couldn't refuse including the opportunity to continue working on my own business.

I have revenge in my heart and its directed solely at my previous company and while I wish I was a master plotter, I do not have the evil scheming abilities of Blair Waldorf ex 'Gossip Girl'. So my revenge will need to be served in the form of Karma. I intend on completely changing the face of advertising in South Africa and once I become a credible and quoted source, I will tell the world how certain companies actively destroy the creativity and potential of young adults starting in the corporate world.

ahh small victories.

So on another note folks, I am exactly a week away from my 30th birthday. I am about to embark on a new job and I have lost 12kgs. I dont speak any french but I am about to work for a french company. I did a design course - although it was an architecture course and not dress design. I have adopted a beauty regime which I stick to fairly regularly.

I have not written a novel but I have bleated on about my feelings here and in my personal journal so many times, I have surely filled enough pages for it to be considered a novel! A boring one but not everyone is brilliant the first time around.

I have started my own business. I have not booked my trip to Greece yet but I think as long as it happens in my 30th year then that's all that matters.

And belly dancing - well I never went to another class after writing the original post.

I am going to gym at least 3 times a week at the moment but thats because I have a personal trainer and its costing me an arm and a leg. Money is such a great motivator.

So by my calculations I stuck to at least 80% of my original goals and I'm pretty chuffed.

Expect the goals for my 31st year in a short while.

It is not getting any easier

The truth about break ups is, if you don't love your ex then it wouldn't be that hard! If you are laughing at me right now for making such a dumb statement, then you have obviously not gone through a major break up recently, because while it may seem obvious, after three months of break up I started feeling pretty good. I thought (arrogantly I might add)-'I am ambivalent to my ex and what he does, does not effect me.' Except it does.

He is seeing someone new and while in his presence I think I dealt with it maturely, the rest of the weekend I spent tearful and full of anguish and that's when I realised I still love him, a lot!

His moving on so quickly of course feels like a twist of the knife further into my gut. Its not that I did not expect it to happen, I even knew that he would start dating way before I did. I just thought that I would care less.

Quite frankly if it was not for a very wise friend who told me to get out of bed and have a shower when I was bbming her and telling her I wanted to die this morning, I may well still have been in bed with very puffy cried out eyes.

To add insult to injury, I have had some male attention in the last few weeks but every last one of them just wants to get into my pants. They have no interest in me what so ever and to be honest most of them have been pretty vulgar in their pursuit. One gem even sent this charming message to me yesterday

"I want to do you!"

I know what you're thinking, I have to be putting out these kind of vibes to be getting such crude responses. I might be, I suppose, because I feel vulnerable I dont want anyone pulling on my heart strings but at the same time I wish they would at least try a little harder at romancing me before trying to slip off my bra straps.

Men truly are pigs!