Trouble

Being self-destructive is a scary thing. I have this part of me that is and I worry myself that one day I will stop being lucky and really do something that is not fixable. I hate that I stress so badly about everything and I hope my new path to pursue therapy will assist me in stopping with this ridiculous behaviour.

Turn it around again

So the fact is I have been forced to change the way I live. I got sick and in part it was my fault because I never listened to my body saying it had had enough. I have not yet travelled to Greece which is a goal I have to fulfill before I am 31 - not long away now. But the reality is is I may only be able to book the trip now and take it a few weeks after my birthday because I have been away from work for so long. In the meantime I have decided I will start getting some external interests in my life. My motto of the moment is to try everything once! I have booked a surfing lesson the 1st weekend of May. I will start ballet classes by the end of this week and in the new term I will start to learn French. I am also going to start filling out the applications to do my MBA. I have wanted to study further and its now time to get it done. I am going to coach myself to look after myself better. I am going to be sure that I enjoy life because I have not enjoyed it in the last couple months and after spending three weeks in hospital with some real scares I dont really see the point of hanging around waiting for life to happen to you. The key thing is - Its just a job! And I have absolutely conclusive proof that when you are scared and shivering with fever your job does not hold you tight and tell you everything is going to be ok. The for real life makeover: Urgent items for Purchase Hanging calendar pens/cokies and general drawing apparatus new toothbrush (has to be done:-) bed side lamps candles desk lamp browse for: lounge suite coffee table As I keep going I'll get more clarity on what I need. But its off to the shops first to get cracking on changing everything I want to change. xo

Time heals all wounds

I have heard it said all too often but I have never thought of it in the context of an actual wound or in my case illness. I have been so incredibly frustrated because I have been in bed for 3 weeks now while I am feeling better each day I am not quite where I thought I would be.

I think the key is that I need to start doing more each day and trying to be more active. That will probably let my mind know that my body is getting better.

Feeling so ill

It seems I have pushed my body beyond reasonable limits physically and mentally. I have been ill with pneumonia for over two weeks and have found myself in hospital for eight of those days. For some reason all I am doing while I am supposed to be recovering is lying in bed and worrying about work, which is exactly why I found myself so ill in the first place. I ignored the warning signs and should have taken a couple of days rest towards the end of March. I feel like I am under so much pressure and I cant seem to feel at ease at all. I still get my email to my phone which is what I think is the real issue. its impossible to switch off. 

I worry for myself because I need to relax so I can recover but I just cant seem to just let it go.