I hate myself so much right now

Once again I find myself on the bizarre end of an awful hangover and I feel wretched. I feel mortified for getting so drunk and ashamed that when I drink I lose all control. I know its a problem but I keep doing it and well then I spend the next couple days getting my head right because all my good feeling hormones completely bottom out. I think the reality is that I should never drink because I have such adverse reactions.

Either way I think its necessary that I stop drinking completely. Maybe now that its on paper - figuratively anyway - and on the web ether I will finally have the will power to stop.

I know the effect alcohol has on people and the people they love and I dont want to be the source of embarressment for the people who love me.

I know most people wont understand it but its like I become a different person when I drink. I lose my conscience. I hate who I become but only after the damage is done. Then I spend days trying to make up for it.

Its just too much and not what I want for my life. It scares me a lot and I feel like I have no one to talk to about this. So I guess all I can ask is that you hold thumbs for me while I do my best to fight my weakness.

On track for losing weight

Okay so here are my current measurements
Bust 104
Waist 81
Tummy 98
Hips 101
Arms 31
Legs 58

My Plan is to lose ten centimeters on my waist, 20 centimeters on my tummy, five on my hips and five on the bust. 3 on my arms and 8 on my legs. I am working towards doing this by my 30th birthday on the 23rd June 2011. Will keep you posted